Sunday, September 29, 2013

Introduction - Part 2 - 1000 words about screenwriting – Stuff you don’t wanna read

Okay, now I am going to write things you are not going to want to read.  Really, I mean it.  You are not going to want to read what I have written.  In the world of Hollywood, you need big cajones.  I’ll write that again in big letters – BIG CAJONES.  Someone who is a shrinking violet and wants to write something only he or she may ever read, or slash fic, or fan fic, or whatever, go back to your fanboy world of FIREFLY rip-offs or STARGATE fan fic.

You need to be able to write where it bleeds.  You need to want to write truth.  Regardless of what you may think about motion pictures or television for that matter, the writers are not inane, stupid, lazy, foolish, or any other pejorative term you want to employ.

Listed below are some common attributes that successful writers have.  Yes, we will spend columns writing about these attributes.  If you feel you lack any of these attributes, work on it.  The last attribute, a healthy ego, is not a joke.  In this business you will be pummeled, kicked, bitten, and knocked around.  Just be prepared.

1.  Objectivity
2.  Love of Reading
3.  Knowledge
4.  Insight
5.  Intelligence
6.  Courage
7.  Speaking Ability
8.  Solid Grounding
9.  Thoroughness
10.  Dedication
11.  Love of Words
12.  Prolificacy
13.  Advocates
14.  Taste
15.  Talent
16.  Sense of Fair Play
17.  Luck
18.  A Healthy Ego

Here are some truths about Hollywood

Ageism, sexism, racism, and religionism are healthy and living in Hollywood.  This town ain’t fair.  Your ideas will get stolen.  Your work will get bastardized.  Even filmmakers you admire will screw you over, if they get the chance.  The following are the most likely things to happen to you as you work in Hollywood.

The studio executive will assign your project to some other writer.

The project will get shelved and never made.

A director will come in and mess it up, turn it into something terrible.
The film will bomb and the critics will blame you, the writer.

You are not going to hear much truth in Hollywood.  So, listen up.  I’m gonna start with the most brutal:  most of your screenplays suck.  You simply may never be able to write at professional level.  I am going to give you the best professional advice you will ever get in your life, right now.  Here we go:  stop reading this column and immediately drag all your writing notes, your uncompleted next script, find a big fireplace and burn it all.  Now, you can go out into the world and start living a real life.

Still here?  Damn.  You're blowing it.  You're making a mistake.  How many sunsets will you miss before you finally give up?  How many walks in the moonlight are forever gone?  How much laughter with friends are you willing to sacrifice?  How many times will the kids not get the attention they deserve?

Sound like fun?

So -

1.)  Give yourself a legitimate shot, until;
2.) Trying is no longer fun.

Welcome to the club.

Acknowledgement to Terry Rossio.

Why are you reading this?  Go write!

John still practices screenwriting in King County, WA along with a small rat dog, a mortgage, and a great view of the valley.

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